Harry Potter Chars Read My stupid Immortal
by Dragoness1400
Summary: I got the idea from another author  whose name i have mentioned inside  but sadly, she wasn't able to finish the story. so I decided to!  from the beginning of course . I'm doing Draco and OC even though ginny & Draco are a couple in my story
1. Ah, the stupidness

**A/N: I was reading the commentry of my immortal (This one was done by Marika. I love her stories!) and i found it extremely funny so i decided to read more. I read a post of My Immortal in which **MissAnnoying-LostInWarblerland **made the characters of HP comment on the story, but unfortunately (for her) she wasn't able to finish it. And fortunately (for me) I'm going to do it! yay... **

_Dear Professor Dumbeldore, _

_Two girls I know have come across a most interesting piece of work and would like to share it with some of your students. Please ask Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley and Ron Weasley to be at the address attatched to this note at 3:00 pm on Saturday 6th of July. If you wish, you may also invite Neville Longbottem, Severus Snape and Miss. Trawlony. And of course you may also be there, if you wish to be. _

_Thank you, _

_Helena Hoggleburn._

So on the 6th of July, Draco, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Neville and Professor Dumbledore sat waiting for those two girls to arrive

At long last, two pretty girls entered holding some loose papers

"Hi my name is Selene and this is Danielle," the girl on the right said, "We were going through some things a while ago and we saw your names come up in a hillarious story, so we're here to tell you that story. Let me begin.

**"AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)-**

"No one thinks that's funny," Harry said, always the ice-breaker

**-2 my gf (ew not in that way)**

"You said it!" Hermione exclaimed.

**raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.**

"Spelling? I'm not even reading the story and I can tell that there must be about a dozen spelling mistakes in just that sentence," Draco drawled

**U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2!**

"Poor Justin," Ginny said, while glancing at Draco, who was sitting next to her. Draco smirked

**MCR ROX!**

"Who the f-" Draco started but he was cut off by Professor Dumbeldore.

"Mr. Malfoy,"

"Sorry sir."

**Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **("Spelled D-a-r-k-*apostrphe*- n-e-s-s, by the way," Danielle pointed out)

"Unnecessary apostrophe," Hermione muttered

**Dementia **

"Dementia? Dementia is a disease for memory loss. That explains the story," Hermione said pompously.

**Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)**

"People are born with hair?" Ron asked, confused.

**with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears**

"Limpid tears? What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked

**and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).**

A few people stood up to leave, but Dumbledore stopped them

**I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**

"Incest!" Ron and Harry shouted at the same time

**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.**

"Oh yeah. Because all other vampire teeth are crooked and yeallow," Ginny said sarcastically

**I have pale white skin.**

"Aren't all vampires pale?" Ron asked

**I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England**

"Scotland," They all said

**where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).**

"I have nothing to say," Draco said, annoyed.

**I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets**

"Because pink is such a GOTHIC colour," Draco drawled as he rolled his eyes

**and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,**

"Why would she need white foundation if she's pale?"

**black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **

"Snowing and raining? Even I know that's not possible," Neville said.

**so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.**

"Happy?" Ron asked

**A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**

"Isn't she just a ray of sunshine?" Hermione said. 

**"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was...**

"Oh please just say. The suspense is absolutely killing me!" Draco said leaning forward in his chair.

**... Draco Malfoy! **

"Wh-what?" He said, his previous courage quickly slipping while Harry, Hermione & Ron laughed openly.

**"What's up Draco?" I asked.**

"Why me?" He said, burying his face in Ginny's shoulder, who, while Draco wasn't looking, laughed mutely.

**"Nothing." he said shyly. **

"Shy? I am most definately not shy! Malfoys cannot-" Draco started indigantly.

"Oh hush," Ginny said while the others laughed.

**But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.**

"What a lovely and pointless coversation," Hermione said.

"Thank goodness I'm saved!"

"She has friends?" Neville asked surprised.

**AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!**

"It is not! My poor boyfriend!" Ginny said while trying to hide her laughter but eventually gave up


	2. And the stupidity continues

**DRAGONESS1400 A/N: I'm only updating because of my first reveiwer, Ellen something! (sorry Ellen don't remember your name) **

**AN: Fangz **

"Fangz? She knows exactly how to crack my ribs with laughter!" Hermione said with a fake smile.

**2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **

"Preps? Preps aren't the only ones flaming the story," Harry said.

**The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.**

"It is impossible for it to snow and rain at the same time!" Hermione said, annoyed.

"Quite right, Miss Granger. But you usually are," Professor Dumbles said with a smile.

**I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.**

Ginny shuddered

**My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet**

"Like I said, Because pink is such a 'goffik' colour," Draco said.

**with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt**

"Who's an MCR?" Ron asked.

"It's a muggle band," Hermione replied

**which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram **

"Pentagram?" Neville asked confused

**necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **

"She should just decide whether it's messy or not," Ginny said.

**My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**

"Shout out? Wouldn't the bird already know who she is in the story?" Hermione said

**woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.**

"Wait so she woke up, grinned, flipped her hair and THEN opened her eyes?" Draco said, amused.

"A bird can flip its hair?" Neville asked

**She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets**

"Fishnets to catch fish, right?" Ron asked, closing his eyes

**and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation**

"You are alreadya vampire!" Hermione said

**and black eyeliner.) "OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**

"And the torture begins," Draco said as he his head in his hands while the others laughed.

**"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**

**"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.**

**"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **

"Sheesh, it's just a question," Harry said

"Oh yeah, thanks a lot," Draco said sarcastically

"Draco!" Ginny said hitting his shoulder

"What?"

"You better be nice to her. It took me long enough to accept this. Don't ruin it," warned Ron

"Shut it Weasel,"

"May we resume the story?" Professor Dumbledore asked, who had been watching them quarrel with amusement

**"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **

"Oh no oh no oh no!" Draco said, scared as Ginny giggled

**"Hi." he said.**

**"Hi." I replied flirtily. **

"What just happened? She just said she didn't like the git, and now she's flirting with him?" Harry asked

**"Guess what." he said.**

**"What?" I asked.**

**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.**

"Good who?" Ginny, Draco and Ron asked at the same time

"Muggle band" Hermione said in a sing-song voice

**"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed.**

"Yowza" Harry said

**I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**

**"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.**

**I gasped.**

"Le gasp!" Ginny said.


	3. Oh man! More stupidity!

**A/N: THANK YOU ELLEN 2607 ( did i get it right? BTW I LOVE your profile!) THis update is only for you!**

**AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ **

"Preps? How many times do I have to say this?" Draco said

**OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS**

"Fangs? How does she do it?" Harry asked

**AGEN RAVEN!**

"To the bird?" Neville said

**oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **

"SHe finally puts in a disclaimer and it's this," Hermione said

**On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets.**

"AGAIN! Unneccary descriptions! That is so annoying!" Ginny said, resting her head on Draco's shoulder

**Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms.**

"I'm not even gonna say anything. Nope not a word," Ron said. He looked around the room and burst into speech, "Why is she explaining everything? We get she wants to catch fish at a concert, she doesn't need to explain it everytime! And what's with the 'Corset stuff'? I wish I could strangle the stupid idiot who came up this terrible peice of cheese!" Ron exclaimed

"Really Ronald? Cheese?" Hermione said shaking her head.

Ron shrugged.

**I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**

"So a waste of time?" Ginny asked

"Waist length hair made spiky?" Hermione said as she shuddered

**I felt a little depressed**

"Oh yeah. Everyone feels depressed when they're about to go to a concert with the dashing boy of their dreams," Draco said sarcastically. Ginny just glared at him

**then, so I slit one of my wrists.**

"Seriously?" Hermione said exprasarated

**I read a depressing book**

Hermione massaged her temples as the others laughed

**while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.**

"Now she figures it out," Harry said

**I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **

"Yeah there's nothing wrong there. Just a causual drinking of human blood, that's it! I do that before every concert I go to with the boy of my dreams," Ginny said as she snuggled on Draco's arm

"Ugh please, Danielle, Selene, show me that story. Maybe after looking at it my eyes will pop out and I won't to watch my sister and my worst enemy canoodle," Ron said, making a disgusted face.

**I went outside. Draco**

"Oh please no! When will it end! Draco said closing his eyes

"About 41 chapters later," Selene said.

"NO!" Draco shouted, "Let me go! I've gotta find an escape!" He said when he jumped off the couch and was currently looking frantically around the room.

Ginny stood up and glared at him, "I apologize for his rudeness. He knows that if he doesn't do this, then I will have delicious revenge for making me suffer this alone," She pulled him back down and whispered something in his ear. After that, he visibilly relaxed.

"You may resume the story," Professor Dumbledore said, amused

**was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish**

"B-B-Black nail polish?" Ron said, choking on his laughter. Tears streamed down his face.

**and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **

"Eyeliner?" Draco said scared. He turned to Ginny, "Ginny please,"

"Just think of what I told you!"

**"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **("With an exclamation mark!" Danielle said)

"Wait, so she's depressed, but she uses an exclamation mark? So next time I'm down I'll say 'Hey Ron, hey Harry. I'm so sad!" with a bright smile," Hermione said

**"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz**

"Flying?" Ron asked.

"Merkedez- Bens?" Ginny asked

"Mercedes-Benz is a car! In this story she made it fly," Hermione said.

"Malfoy doesn't have a flying car! We do!" Ron exclaimed

**(the license plate said 666)**

"How original," Hermione muttered darkly

**and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.**

"They're wonderful role models!" Ginny said

**When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.**

"If they just hopped out, wouldn't they die?" Neville asked curiously

**We went to the mosh pit**

"What's a mosh pit? And even if I knew what it was, I WOULD NOT go there with the likes of her!" Draco said angrily

**at the front of the stage and jumped up and down **

"Jumping like rabbits," Dumbledore commented

**as we listened to Good Charlotte. **

**"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel<strong>

"I'm not saying anything," HArry said

**(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **

"She's mentioned that," Hermione pointed out

**"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **

Hermione shuddered

**Suddenly Draco looked sad. **

"I NEVER LOOK SAD! ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF HER!" Draco said, angry

"Calm down," Ginny said.

**"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed**

"Moshed?" Hermione said

**to the music. Then I caught on. **

"Wow she is slow. And that's coming from me," Neville said

**"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **

"I wish she liked him better than me. Then he would have to run, not me,"

**"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **

"Sensitive and protective? That doesn't sound like MY Draco," Ginny said.

"I- I can't- Stop- LAUGHING!" Ron said between laughs, " Malfoy, Protective?" And he burst into a fit of laughter again

**"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **

"Uh...Right," Hermione said. For the first time in her life, she was confused.

**The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco.**

"I would not have fun with that b-" He earned a withering glance from Professor Dumbledore, "-with that really ugly girl..." He finished lamely, which sent Ron into another fit of laughter

**After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **

"They probably ran," Harry said

**We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!**

"Dun Dun dunnn!" Ginny said

"CLIFF HANGER!" Hermione shouted.


	4. Two words: Poor Draco!

**A/N: Hope you like... losing more IQ points every day...**

**AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY**

"So Ebony's name is Enoby... I see..." Hermione said slowly

**nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV**

"I am not in love with her!" Draco whined, "You believe me don't you Ginny?"

"Yes I do. Not even a troll could like that bat,"

**wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder**

"Eechodder. Why does that remind me of fancy cheese?" Ginny asked

**b4 ok! **

**"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"**

**Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **

"Wait so Malfoy died? And so did the idiot?" Ron asked

"How the heck do you walk curiously?" Hermione asked.

**"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **

"Ooh, look who's hardcore," Harry said, annoyed

**"Ebony?" he asked.**

"No no no! Her name is ENOBY!" Neville said

**"What?" I snapped.**

**Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)**

"Save me," Draco whimpered

**which revealed so much depressing sorrowand evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **

"Er... depressing sorrow and evilness. Amazing turn on," Harry said awkwardly.

**And then... suddenly just as I **

"Just as I what?" Hermione asked.

**Draco kissed me passionately.**

"No! My lips and her's are NOT coming close,"

**Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.**

Draco looked close to crying as he said, "What?" He put an index finger in each ear and said, "Lalalalalalalal..." 

"Draco!" Ginny slapped his shoulder

"Ow. You're mean," Draco pouted as he rubbed his shoulder

"Draco, snap out of it," Ginny said

"Sorry,"

**He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **

Draco closed his eyes.

**Then he put his thingie**

"Thingie? Is it so hard to write..." This time, Ron earned a glare from Professor Dumbledore, "Erm, yeah"

**into my you-know-what**

"No I don't know what," Hermione said

**and we did it for the first time. **

**"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.**

"Gin-ny! She's ruining me!" Draco said, hugging her.

She rubbed his back, "It's ok. Let it out," but because Draco's face was turned away, she laughed as silently as she could

**We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.**

"You're a vampire! You don't get warm!" Harry said

**And then... **

"Suspense!" Hermione said

**"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"**

**It was...Dumbledore!**

"I am quite sure that I have never sworn. In fact, I am positive that I have never sworn in front of a student!" Professor Dumbledore said, confused and amused.


	5. The trying of Singing but not successing

**A/N: My favourite chapter is chapter 14. I seriously can't wait!**

**AN: STOP flaming!**

"Flaming? Er, right," Harry said

**if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache**

"I would not do such a foul thing even if I had a headache," Professor Dumbledore said

**ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **

"Then how the heck did she get to 44 chapters?" Hermione inquired loudly

**Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.**

**"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.**

"Doesn't she mean... oh forget it," Harry said

Hermione smiled, "Ludacris,"

"Best insult! Hey Harry!" Ron said

"Yeah?"

"You're a ludacris fool!"

"Grow up Ronald," Hermione said annoyed

**I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **

"She should get that checked at St. Mungo's," Ginny said

"Don't you mean St. Mango's?" Selene said, smiling.

"Huh?"

**Draco comforted me.**

"Like I said, I would never, and I mean NEVER, Comfort HER!" Draco shouted

**When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.**

"Professor Dumbledore?" Neville asked.

"Yes, Mr. Longbottem?"

"If you're the principal, why would you have to take Malfoy and Ebony, sorry ENOBY to Professor McGonnagal and Professor Snape?"

"I honestly don't know," Professor Dumbledore said, worried

**"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.**

**"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **

Ron guffawed.

"This story is killing me, but that is one pretty good insult!" Draco said.

"Where does she come up with these?" Harry said brightly as Hermione smacked her hand into her face.

**"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.**

**And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"**

"I DO NOT!" He yelled at the top of his voice

**Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **

"What just happened?" Harry asked.

"Harry the next time you get into trouble, shriek 'BECAUSE I LOVE HER!' and everything will be OK," Ginny said, leaning to get a good look at Harry

**Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.**

"I thought Sna- Professor Snape was OK with it," Ron said as he glanced at Professor Dumbles.

**"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.**

"G-g-gentle?" Draco stammered

**"Yeah I guess." I lied. **

"Lying. That is the most NORMAL thing she has done in this story so far," Hermione said

**I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.**

"Who wears high-heels to bed?" Ginny asked

**When I came out…. **

"I was killed by the stupidity of this story!" Ron said.

**Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **

"How did I even get there?"

**and he started to sing**

"Sing? Draco does not sing," Ginny said, "Or do you?"

"I can, but I don't. I have tried singing in front of an audience, but I can't do it. Watch," He got down on one knee, put a hand on his chest and a hand in front of him. He tried to sing but failed because not a single vocal chord was coming out. His lips were moving but no sound came out.

**'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.**

"There's no way he can get there! The girls' dormitries have spells that keep boys out!" Hermione shrieked

**We hugged and kissed.**

Draco moaned, "When will it end?"

**After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly**

"Reluctantly? I would run for my life!"

**went back into his room. **


	6. This chapter is too stupid to name

**A/N: Thank-you for all the reviews! I honestly didn't think I would get this many reviews. So, I was thinking, that I do reply to all the reviews in the PMs But some people reviewed anonymously so I'll reply to them here:**

**Ellen2607: I'm glad you liked it, favourite reviewer. I try my best to be funny and I can't believe it's actually working :D**

**Lolsmileyface6: Thank-you!**

**The First Maraudette: Thank-you! Yes, I agree, poor Draco.**

**Invisiblechessy: you know, I have a bunny named Chestnut. And I sometimes call him chessy, so I LOVE your name! I'm sorry about the late update, it's just that I've been really busy with exams and what not. That's exactly what I thought at first too! I was like, Draco/Ginny? Who came up with this train wreck? Then I read the story and loved it so much that D/G became my favourite couple ever. **

**Thank you for the reviews. On with the story!**

******AN: shjt**

"Shjt? Is that spelt with a 'J'?" Hermione asked and after Danielle nodded, she said, "I honestly don't want to know what that meant,"

**up prepz ok!**

"OK!" Neville said cheerfully.

**PS I wnot update ubtil **

"Ub til the sky!" Ginny said

**u give me goood revows!**

"I wonder if she 'revowed' herself," Draco said.

**The next day I woke up in my coffin.**

"Ooh, the story's just getting interesting!" Harry said sarcastically

**I put on a**

"Oh no, another description!" Ron said, worried

**black miniskirt that was all ripped**

"Tell me when it's over," Draco said to Ginny and put his fingers in his ears, closed his eyes and started humming

**around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.**

"You know, I've been trying to ignore this before, but doesn't the dress code apply to Ebony?" Hermione asked.

"Enoby," Neville corrected.

**In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **

"What?" Draco and Ron asked in unison

**cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.**

"Ooh, yummy!" Ginny said

**Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.**

"I know, it's such a pain when somebody bumps into me while I'm sitting and eating like a Chinese eating rice even though it should be impossible to bump into me while I'm sitting but it's still a pain when the blood spills all over my top," Ron said in one breath.

**"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it**

**when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy**

"That's right. No one should make fun of handsome boys," Harry said

**with spiky black hair**

"Ouch," Ginny said

**with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **

"You were going down his face! Awesome! Teach me how to do that!"

**and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar**

"W-what?" Harry said.

**on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble**

"Harry! I didn't know you were growing a beard!" Ron said

"It could be someone else!" Harry exclaimed

"Dimwit," Draco muttered so that only Ginny could hear him

**on his chin. He had a sexy English accent.**

"First, how does she know whether he has an English accent if he hasn't even spoken yet? Second, Potter does not have a _sexy _English accent. I do," Draco said.

"Yes, you do," Ginny made sure her voice was low enough so that Ron couldn't hear her

"It's not me!"

**He looked exactly like Joel Madden.**

"Who?" Draco, Ginny, Harry, Ron and Neville asked.

"You guys are so stupid! Joel Madden is obviously some famous muggle singer or actor, which is the ONLY reason why the stupidest author on earth would include him!" Hermione said.

"She's the brightest yet rudest witch of our age," Ron said to Harry

**He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection **

Ron turned beet red as Harry said, "I'm sorry, WHAT?"

"Wait, so she's a guy! I'm in 'love' with a boy!" Draco said

**only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.**

"You're the only sicko here!" Hermione exclaimed

**"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.**

**"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.**

"Now she's an interrogator. Perfect." Hermione said.

**"My name's Harry Potter, **

"Nooo!" Harry exclaimed, "That can't be me!"

"I don't believe anybody else has the misfortune of being Harry Potter," Draco said smirking

**although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.**

"What. Has. Happened. In this world!" Harry exclaimed.

"Harry, when did you change your name?" Hermione asked.

"Grrr-umble!" Ginny said happily and Draco put an arm around her shoulders.

**"Why?" I exclaimed.**

**"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.**

Draco snorted, "Potter's a girl,"  
>"Ugh, human blood. Yuck. Harry you've become disgusting," Ginny said wrinkling her nose.<p>

"Ginny!" Harry said, offended

**"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.**

"And the world fell silent!" Ron mocked.

**"Really?" he whimpered.**

"I imagine Harry's bottom lip quivering like he's about to cry," Neville said, amused.

**"Yeah." I roared.**

"She got down on both knees and roared!" Ginny said, "Weird mental image,"

"Yes Gin, you are mental," Ron said

"Okay, before this turns into a full blown argument, stop," Hermione said

**We sat down to talk for a while.**

"Wasn't she already sitting?" Neville asked

**Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me **

"For her? I barely get Ginny surprises!" Draco said

**so I went away with him**

"How romantic," Hermione said.


	7. Dear me The stupidity!

**A/N: I'm back! Yay! Anyways, here is the next update of stupidness, hope I put a smile on your wonderful, reviewing (hint hint) faces!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and (thankfully) My Immortal. J.K Rowling owns HP and Tara Gilebsie (did I spell that right?) owns My Immortal. I copied this chapter off a re-post of My Immortal, which was reposted by **TheJadedDolphin

-xXx-

"Er, wait!" Draco said as Danielle was about to begin reading, "I have to go the toilet," Draco felt himself heat up slightly.

"It's through the hallway, second door on the left," Selene said, pointing at the door leading to the hallway.

Draco nodded his thanks and got up.

Selene and Danielle sat down one of the chairs and started talking amongst themselves while Ron, Harry and Ginny talked about Quidditch and Neville and Dumbledore made small talk amongst themselves. Hermione, having no interest in Quidditch or small talk, paid attention to what Selene and Danielle were saying.

"Ebondy is such a Mary-Sue," Selene said with a snicker

"Yeah, if she isn't a Mary-Sue, I don't know what is," Danielle agreed.

"What's a Mary-Sue?" Hermione asked.

Selene turned towards Hermione, "It's a character that the author makes up themselves and that character has no flaws at all, because that character is actually the author themselves. That's for females, a male Mary-Sue is called a Gary-Stue,"

Hermione nodded in understanding, "Ebony -sorry, ENOBY- is obviously a Mary-Sue

Draco entered the room again and took his place beside Ginny.

Danielle picked up My Immortal and continued reading.

**AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.**

"She got 5 reviews from God? I bet they said to put an end to the normal peoples' misery," Hermione said

**n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!**

"I really hope she didn't get TIN vons from God. She'll turn them into gits, Merlin knows we don't need anymore gits," Ron said, glancing at Draco

"What are vons? I know they're made out of TIN, but I didn't know they could be turned into gits..." Neville said

**STO FLAMING**

"Who is this STO?" Draco wondered aloud

**OR ILL REPORT U! **

"Ooh, I'm terrified!" Harry said, waving his hands.

**Evony**

"So it's Evony now? She should bloody well decide what the bat's name is!" Ginny said.

"Miss. Weasley, I would appreaciate it if you would control your language," Dumbledore said, not without his eyes twinkling.

"Sorry Professor," Ginny looked at her feet

**isn't a Marie Sue**

"Oh yes she is!" Hermione said, nodding her head.

The others looked at her, confused

**ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!**

"Er, right. A Satanits." Harry said.

**n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **

"I thought she was a Satanits. Isn't she supposed to say '4 satanits' sake!'?" Ron said

**Draco and I**

"Why must she molest only me?" Draco said.

"Hey, she's molesting me too," Harry said, feeling a smidge sympathetic for Draco.

"Yes, but she hasn't to molest you properly yet," Draco said.

**held our pale white hands with black nail polish **

"It's amazing how she fits in details we don't care about," Hermione said

**as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **

"I thought she was wearing black nailpolish? Qoute 'Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish'" Ginny asked

**(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Mary Sue 2 u?)**

"First, it is very unprofessional to add notes during the story, and second, does she even know what a Mary Sue is?" Hermione said pompously

"Um, I don't know about her, but, I think I'm speaking for all of us here, we don't know what this Mary Sue is," Harry said, looking at everyone.

"Nothing you need to know, Harry,"

Harry shrugged

**. I waved to Vampire.**

Harry made a grotesque face and said, "Blaugh,"

**Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.**

"Um... I have nothing to say to that," Ginny said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Hear, hear." all said, apart from Ron.

"I do! What else was supposed to be in his 'depressed eyes?' Happiness? Happiness was in his depressed eyes? And how can misery be anything OTHER than dark? Happy misery was in his depressed eyes? This chick is a dunderheaded fool with a chicken's brain," Ron said, pouting.

"Well said Weasley," Draco said, crossing his arms

**I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.**

"Potter, I know I'm good looking and all, but I don't swing that way. As you can see I already have a girlfriend," A smirking Draco put an arm around a Ginny who had both her hands covering her mouth to keep herself from laughing.

Harry had to blink three times before coming out of his momentary daze,

"WHAT? Firstly, I would NOT be jealous of some gothic girl, and WHY would I be jealous of someone going out with Malfoy! And Ferret face, I don't swing that way either. Besides even if I did, which I don't, I would NOT lay a hand on you," Harry exclaimed

**Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **

"Dear me," Hermione said.

Ginny giggled, "Draco, you should know better than to cheat, you know,"

"Ginny!? You don't actually believe that utter crap do you?" Draco said, his eyes as wide as saucers

"Language Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore said.

**We started frenching**

"Frenching is not a word," Hermione said

**passively**

"Uh... ugh" Hermione seeemed strangled

**and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.**

"Danielle, Selene? Can we PLEASE skip this part? Please?" Draco pleaded.

Danielle just smiled.

"NO! Keep reading! I want to see Malfoy shiver with fear," Ron said smugly.

Draco growled and stuck his index finers in his ears AGAIN and started humming.

**He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)**

"Yes Evony, that is stupid," Hermione said

**"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **

"WHAT!" Two voices shouted at the same time. Draco fell off the sofa and Harry was tipping his chair back when Danielle had read those blasted words. So naturally he fell backwards and hit his head on the wall in the process of falling.

Ginny helped a pouting Draco up and was rubbing his shin, where he got hurt. Hermione helped Harry up and Harry angrily rubbed the back of his head while muttering someting about stupid goffik -er I mean, gothic- girls.

"I. Am. Not. Gay." Draco said, his eyes flashing with anger, once Ron and Neville had stopped laughing.

"Continue, please, before this turns into a duel," Dumbledor said pleasantly

**I was so angry. **

"Not angrier than I am!" Harry basically yelled.

**"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, **

"You already mentioned you were angry, Evony," Hermione said

**jumping out of the bed. **

**"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded.**

"I WOULD NOT PLEAD! Stupid bint has the nerve to make me gay, and then makes me please,"

**But I knew too much. **

"You know nothing!" Ginny yelled.

**"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **

Draco growled, while Harry banged his head against the wall.

**I put on my clothes all huffily**

"How do you that?" Ron and Neville asked stimutaneuosly

**and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked.**

"Eugh Draco! You're disgusting," Ginny said, making a face. Draco glared at her.

**He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **

"Why mention it then?" Hermione said, the other boys looking ready to puke, and Draco had a smirk on his face

**I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom**

"Er why?!" Harry asked

**where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **

"That girl is getting herself detention," Dumbledore said.

**"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.**

"I think she took a leaf from Dumbledore's book" Ron muttered under his breath to Harry.

-xXx-

**A/N: I was tempted to abandon this chapter sevral times throughout it. I don't think this is as good as the last ones. Help me by reviewing! SMW (Save My Writing)  
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	8. Yay for losing IQ points and Headaches!

**A/N: I am SO sorry! I didn't realize I already started this chapter! So to make it up, I'm posting THREE chapters‼ Haza!**

**AN: stop flassing**

"Flassing? Doesn't she mean FLOSSING?" Harry asked

"Yes. She wants everybody to have bad teeth and bad breath. She is the worst enemy of dental care!" Neville said dramatically

**ok! if u do de prep!**

"So if you have clean teeth then you're a prep? I would not want to be a Goth, or 'goff' if it meant to have bad teeth… well I suppose that since Goths like black, they would like black teeth…" Draco said.

**Everyone in the class stared at me**

"At least some people are normal," Hermione said.

**and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **

"Really Draco, have the decency to wear clothes!" Ginny said mock angrily

Draco glared at her.

**and started begging me to take him back.**

"Ok, I do not particularly like Malfoy, and I am not defending him, but his abundance of pride must have been dead when he was begging in front of a class for a crazy Goth girl to take him back naked," Harry said, "No one, with the smallest bit of pride would have done that after two days, maybe less,"

"Thank you Potter," Draco said grudgingly when Ginny nudged him lightly.

**"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.**

"And what does he mean by that? I mean obviously, Harry and Malfoy are both gay. And Malfoy was just trying to keep up his reputation," Ron chirped.

Harry and Draco glared at him.

**My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **

"What kind of name is B'loody Mary Smith? And what the heck does she mean by 'understatedly'?!"

**She flipped **

"Lots of flipping in this story," Neville muttered

**her long waste-length gothic black hair **

"How is black hair Gothic," Ginny asked as Harry patted his own jet black hair as if wondering if his hair was 'Gothic'.

**and opened her crimson eyes like blood**

"So she was sleeping in class? Yet she nodded at… whoever she is? This is getting creepier by the minute," Ron said

"I'm pretty sure that we know that blood is red, and crimson is basically red. Why must she elaborate? She really is the Redundant Goth of Redundantness," Hermione said.

"Really Hermione? She's sleeping in class and that's what you point out?" Ron said

"Well, Ronald, considering this story is stupid enough; there is no point in pointing out its many, many plot errors. Might as well point out its other errors," Hermione stuck her nose in the air and folded her arms.

**that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **

"Oh gosh, this girl makes no sense," Ginny said putting her head on Draco's shoulder

**Hermione **

"WHAT?!" Hermione shrieked.

Draco grinned, "Continue, please,"

**was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires**

Ron started to laugh at this point, didn't seem to be stopping for a very long time, while Hermione's face had gone as pale as B'loody Mary Smith's and her jaw had comically dropped open.

**and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed **

"Everyone is depressed in this story," Harry said trying to hold back his laughter. Hermione, was still in the same state of shock.

**about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )**

Everyone in the room turned to Hermione expectantly and waited for her to say something, because Hermione always has something to say.

Once out of her reverie, the first thing she said was, "uheruaugh," It took Hermione a while to say something actually comprehendible, which was, "How?" She took a deep breath and continued, "I-I'm not going to say anything, since that's beyond my intelligence," (Everyone gasped) "but, Malfoy you're in Slytherin right?"

"Yes Granger. I'm in Slytherin. Wonderful observation,"

"Are you a Satanits?"

Ginny giggled and Draco's smirk turned into a scowl, "No,"

**"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.**

Neville laughed, "Professor Snape has the best insults,"

Ron nodded, "Ridiculous dimwit is definitely on my best-insults-to-use-on-Malfoy list,"

**"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.**

"Wait what? I thought she was dating me? Talk about a cheater," Draco said as Ginny hit him lightly.

"Malfoy! She's implying that we DATED. Or possibly something worse, and you care about that?" Harry sounded offended

**Everyone gasped.**

"There's a lot of gasping in this story. I wonder why no one has run out air yet," Ginny said.

**I don't know why Ebony**

"What? I thought she was Ebony?" Neville said obviously confused

"Yeah, she's gone bonkers," Harry agreed.

"This story is ridiculous. It gives books and stories a bad name. Professor may I please leave early?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Miss Granger, but we are required to leave together." Professor Dumbledore said.

**was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)**

"OK, I can understand the weirdo girl being bi, but I am not," Draco said.

"Malfoy! You shouldn't worry about coming out of the closet. We won't tell anyone if you don't want us to," Ron said happily.

"Shut up Weasley,"

**for a while but then he broke my heart. **

"That's an awesome thing to do, Harry, but I didn't know Malfy boy had a heart," Ron said and he and Neville held up their hands for Harry to high five.

Harry grinned and high fived them, "I know- wait, MALFOY AND I NEVER DATED!" His grin quickly changed to a frown.

**He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)**

"Oh… gosh… please just STOP!" Hermione cried.

**"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.**

**"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.**

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Ginny laughed. Seriously. She laughed like that.

"She lost her virility… she lost her… Malfoy I can't believe you dated a boy!" Hermione said.

"How do you bust into tears?" Neville asked, "Can I have a demonstration,"

Ron stood and started to pull some dance moves while fake crying.

**A/N: Next chapter should be up in like half an hour **


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